"Why Can’t I Seem to Move Past What Happened?" Navigating the Path to Healing After Trauma
Experiencing trauma can be deeply overwhelming, leaving lasting impacts that may feel hard to understand and even harder to move beyond. After trauma, it’s common to feel as though you're stuck, unable to move forward despite trying. Trauma affects not only our emotions and memories but also our self-perception, relationships, and ability to feel secure. Healing from trauma is a unique journey that requires time, patience, and self-compassion.
In this blog, we’ll explore the nature of trauma, why it can feel so difficult to navigate its aftermath, and techniques to help you reconnect with your inner strength and find a pathway to healing.
What is Trauma, and Why Does it Linger?
Trauma occurs when we experience events that overwhelm our ability to cope, leaving us feeling helpless, unsafe, or powerless. These responses can result from many experiences—accidents, loss, sudden changes, or sustained stress. Trauma doesn’t just disappear; it can leave lasting imprints on the mind and body, often causing symptoms like anxiety, hypervigilance, sleep disturbances, or intrusive memories.
Our responses to trauma are often tied to the body’s survival mechanisms. Trauma can trigger the brain’s fight, flight, or freeze responses, designed to keep us safe in moments of danger. But for some, these responses persist long after the trauma, creating a sense of unease or “being stuck.” Understanding this can be a first step in making sense of trauma and regaining control over your journey toward healing.
1. Building Safety: Create a Foundation for Healing
Before diving into deeper trauma work, it’s essential to create a foundation of safety. Safety means cultivating an environment and an internal state where you feel steady, calm, and in control. Establishing a sense of safety is the first step toward healing, as it allows you to reconnect with yourself and manage intense emotions.
Technique: Daily Grounding Practices
Anchor in the Present: Find activities that help you feel connected to the present moment, like deep breathing, stretching, or noticing your surroundings. Grounding signals safety to the brain, easing emotional intensity.
Build a Self-Care Ritual: A consistent self-care routine can regulate your body’s stress response, helping to restore a sense of safety. This could be something as simple as setting aside time each morning for a mindful ritual like tea drinking, journaling, or a walk outside.
2. Reclaim Self-Worth and Identity Beyond the Trauma
Trauma can impact self-worth, leading to feelings of shame, self-doubt, or a loss of identity. Rebuilding self-worth involves recognising that the trauma does not define you. You are more than what you’ve been through, and healing is about reconnecting with your whole self, including strengths and qualities that go beyond the trauma.
Technique: Self-Affirmation and Identity Exploration
List Positive Qualities: Write down qualities you appreciate about yourself. Reflect on moments of strength, kindness, or resilience you’ve shown. Return to this list during moments of self-doubt to reaffirm your worth.
Practice Self-Compassionate Affirmations: Remind yourself, “I am worthy of peace and happiness” or “My experiences do not define who I am.” Repeating affirmations can gently reshape your self-perception and encourage self-acceptance.
3. Challenge Negative Beliefs and Shift Your Mindset
Trauma often leads to persistent, negative beliefs about ourselves or the world around us. These beliefs can be limiting, like “I’m never safe” or “People can’t be trusted.” Recognising and challenging these beliefs helps reduce their influence, opening space for healthier and more empowering perspectives.
Technique: Gentle Reframing for Empowerment
Identify Unhelpful Beliefs: Notice beliefs that emerge during stressful moments or self-criticism, such as “I’m weak” or “I should be over this by now.”
Explore Balanced Alternatives: Try reframing these thoughts into more balanced statements, like “I am learning to heal at my own pace” or “My feelings are valid.” Shifting beliefs in this way supports a healthier, self-empowered outlook.
4. Practise Mindfulness to Stay Grounded in the Present
The aftereffects of trauma can pull you back into distressing memories or heighten anxieties about the future. Mindfulness can help ground you in the present moment, allowing you to observe your thoughts and emotions with curiosity rather than judgment. Over time, mindfulness practice brings calmness, reduces emotional reactivity, and nurtures a reconnection with yourself.
Technique: Mindful Observation
Focus on Your Breath: Dedicate a few minutes daily to observing your breath. Notice each inhale and exhale, allowing yourself to rest in the present. This simple exercise trains the mind to slow down and release tension.
Observe Your Thoughts and Emotions: When distressing thoughts arise, observe them as passing clouds, without judgment. Practising non-attachment can help reduce the hold that trauma-related thoughts have on you.
5. Reconnect with a Sense of Control Through Empowered Choices
Trauma can leave people feeling powerless or out of control. Reclaiming even small decisions that support your wellbeing can be empowering. Focusing on choices that reflect your values and needs reminds you of your ability to take positive steps toward healing.
Technique: Empowered Daily Choices
Set Small, Intentional Goals: Start with simple goals like setting boundaries, spending time in activities you enjoy, or dedicating time to self-care. These choices, however small, reinforce a sense of control and personal agency.
Track and Celebrate Progress: Keep a record of these daily choices, however minor they may seem, and celebrate each one. Acknowledging your progress helps build momentum, motivating further positive changes.
6. Visualise Self-Compassion to Heal Emotional Wounds
Healing from trauma often involves working through intense emotions. Visualisation can be a gentle way to approach these emotions with self-compassion, without reliving the trauma. Imagining yourself surrounded by comfort and kindness can create a safe mental space to process emotions and rebuild inner peace.
Technique: Compassionate Visualisation
Create a Safe Space in Your Mind: Visualise yourself in a place where you feel safe, whether it’s a serene beach, a quiet forest, or a comforting room. Imagine being enveloped by a sense of warmth and care.
Focus on Positive Qualities Beyond Trauma: As you visualise this safe space, imagine yourself as whole, resilient, and capable. This image can reinforce self-worth and resilience, helping you approach emotions with strength and gentleness.
7. End Each Day with a Self-Compassion Practice
Trauma can lead to cycles of self-blame or judgment. Practising self-compassion can help break these cycles, promoting acceptance and healing. By treating yourself with kindness, you nurture a supportive internal dialogue that encourages progress and resilience.
Technique: Daily Self-Compassion Reflection
Acknowledge Efforts: Reflect on one act of self-care or resilience from your day, however small. It could be as simple as taking a mindful moment, seeking support, or allowing yourself to rest.
Affirm Progress: End the day by affirming, “I am healing at my own pace” or “I am worthy of patience and kindness.” These affirmations reinforce a sense of self-compassion, empowering you to move forward without judgment.
Moving Forward with Gentleness and Self-Compassion
Healing from trauma is a journey, one that often requires patience, self-compassion, and support. By creating a sense of safety, gently exploring emotions, and reconnecting with your inner strength, you can begin to move forward at your own pace. Remember, trauma recovery is not about erasing the past but learning to carry it with greater ease and self-compassion, building a future that reflects your resilience, self-worth, and hope for healing.
References
Neff, K. D. (2003). Self-compassion: An alternative conceptualisation of a healthy attitude toward oneself. Self and Identity, 2(2), 85-101.Tylka, T. L., & Wood-Barcalow, N. L. (2015). The body appreciation scale-2: Item refinement and psychometric evaluation. Body Image, 12, 53-67.Pennebaker, J. W., & Chung, C. K. (2011). Expressive writing: Connections to physical and mental health. Oxford Handbook of Health Psychology, 417-437.Brown, B. (2012). Daring greatly: How the courage to be vulnerable transforms the way we live, love, parent, and lead. Gotham Books.Kabat-Zinn, J. (1994). Wherever you go, there you are: Mindfulness meditation in everyday life. Hyperion.
